Big Sis M is really into the Harry Potter book series and everything Harry Potter. I mean really! Besides reading the books (she’s on the 5th book now), she prints off coloring pages to color and then decorates her room. Little Miss C does too, even though she’s just beginning to read the first book with Mr. Rosey. On Big Sis M’s “Do Good Things” chart, she lists three Harry Potter purchases she will make when she earns enough money. Her Harry Potter wand is never far from her side and I frequently have to duck for fear of having my eye poked out.
I love her energy and enthusiasm and joy. When she’s excited about something, she has a radar beam focus and an all-consuming passion to know more, to live more. But what I really love about her – at eight years old – is her pure innocence.
The other day she asked if she could look for the golden snitch on the computer. For those not in the know, the golden snitch is a winged, flying, gold ball played in a quidditch match in the Harry Potter books. You win the game by being the first to catch the flying snitch and the snitch flies f-a-s-t.
After searching, she found a golden snitch online and says to me “Mommy, it’s only $4.99. I can pay for that.” And I’m thinking “What the heck is she going to do with this plastic piece of stuff? It’s going to fall to the bottom of the toy box and never be seen again. Why don’t I just wad up a $5 bill and throw that into the toy box instead?” That’s Mr. Rosey thinking in my head. But I look into her eyes and I see she is beyond excited. Why is she so excited about this $5 toy? Why do I want to crush that joy and say no? It’s only $5.
And so I ask her “Big Sis M, you do know that the golden snitch toy really won’t fly, right?” Confusion crosses her face. So I said “Truly, that toy won’t fly like in the book. It only looks like the snitch, but it won’t act like the snitch.” Total deflation emanates from her body and she says to me “Really Mom? It really won’t fly? Are you sure?”
I shake my head – no it won’t fly. Her body says defeat…resignation…sadness…then… I have another idea.
Big Sis M says “Ok. I’ll just get the Nimbus 2000. It’s $250, so I’ll have to save for a while, but that will be more fun than the snitch anyway.” The Nimbus 2000 is the broom, which Harry Potter uses to fly around the quidditch field to catch the golden snitch. She’s thinking and she asks me (sort of) “The Nimbus 2000 will fly, right Mom?”
Oh my gosh. I’m going to crush her again. What do I say? I can’t do it. She says “I wouldn’t fly as high as in the quidditch matches Mom. That wouldn’t be safe. I’d only fly low and stay in our yard. Can I get the Nimbus 2000 or ask for it for my birthday?”
I can’t not tell her. She will be even more depressed when she saves all this money and buys the Nimbus 2000 and then discovers that it won’t fly either. So I say “Big Sis M the Nimbus 2000 doesn’t fly either. It’s just like your wand. It’s all make believe. Can you cast spells with your wand?” I see her body say nooooo….defeat…resignation…sadness. “Well the broom is pretend too. Pretending is good. Pretending is fun, but it’s your imagination that makes it real.” Defeat…resignation…sadness. So I give her a hug and tell her that I love her and leave her to think about the double bomb I just dropped on her.
15 minutes later Little Miss C comes running into my bedroom where I’m either folding clothes or putting drops in my eyes. I can’t remember which. And Little Miss C enthusiastically says “Momma, Big Sis M found a Nimbus 2000 on the computer that really, really does fly. And she found an invisibility cloak too for me.” Ahhhh. What’s a mom to do? …So I simply smile at Mr. Rosey.
It’s so beautiful to see Big Sis M believe. I cherish her innocence, because I know her time of innocence is diminishing. I want to soak it up and stop time. I want to just be with her innocent self. I want to record this moment and remember.
I want her to stay my little girl for a little while longer. Ok… A LOT while longer.
I’m so blessed to be her Mommy.