I was out all day running errands and helping at school. After picking up Sportsgirl from the bus stop, we zoomed home cuz I gotta go. You know. Go. I drop everything in the laundry room and run to the potty. Yeah, it’s still a potty in our home.
As I’m scurrying to the powder room, my phone rings and I see it is Mr. Rosey. I really need to talk to him about something and I know if I don’t answer the phone it will be a gazillion hours before I connect with him again. “Hello Mr. Rosey. I have to go to the potty. Can we still talk?” Yes.
Warning: This descriptive image might be too graphic for the overly sensitive constitution or those faint of heart. Please skip to the next paragraph if this applies to you. I’m starting to sit down, talking to Mr. Rosey about something important and Sportsgirl walks into the powder room with a box of cereal. She wants to know “Mommy can I have some cereal?” Yeah. Yeah. “Can you open the box for me?” Sure. “Right now.” Really? “Yes, pleeeeease.” Are you kidding me? We have a whole refrigerator and pantry full of food.
I’m sitting in the powder room, Mr. Rosey’s on speakerphone, I’m holding a box of cereal for Sportgirl and then Princess comes in with the picture she colored at art for me. She must show it to me right now. Right now! Picture that (or maybe not), because I don’t have a real picture to show you. I’m thinking “How much can happen in a small powder room? Why do we have a huge house? We could all just live in the powder room.” And then I think “Can’t I have 30 seconds of privacy? Pleeeeeease?” I know I pulled Mr. Rosey into the powder room via the phone, but not everyone else.
When you’re a mom, the kids will need you on two and only two specific occasions. Otherwise, they could care less.
- They always know when you’re on the phone. They completely ignore you until they hear ring-ring-ring-hello and then they need you immediately…urgently for some inconsequential nothing.
- They always know when you’re in the bathroom. Yep. As soon as you open the bathroom door, the kid radar kicks in and they hunt you down…again for nothing critical. No one is bleeding. No one is dying. Just something like “Where are the crayons?” or “My sister just looked at me.”
Every other moment I could be calling them to let the dog in or to start their homework and it’s almost like my voice is on mute. That’s not completely true. If I shout “All you can eat ice cream sundaes” I’m sure they would hear that even if I wasn’t in the bathroom or on the phone. A scientific study should be initiated to understand this phenomenon.
I guess the lesson to be learned is that I should stand in the bathroom when I ask them to feed the dog. Or I should call the home phone from my cell phone if I want to ask the girls to pick up their toys. Or maybe I should just install a phone IN every bathroom? Then I’d be guaranteed that they’d hear me. Hmmm….Do you agree?