My Friend, Ms. Arachnid

Remember that childhood song?  Itsy bitsy spider ran up the waterspout.  This isn’t about that cute, little spider.  Remember that book about a spider named Little Miss C who spins fantastic webs to save her pig friend, Wilbur?  This isn’t about that cute, little spider either. This story is about an entirely different spider, which I’m never meeting again.

I’m going about my normal Monday morning routine.  Get the girls dressed, fix breakfast, make lunches and snacks…all the stuff to get the girls ready for school.  As I’m filling one of the water bottles, I see a HUMUNGOUS, I mean really big, black spider on my wrist.  And it starts R-U-N-N-I-N-G up my arm at a breakneck speed.  It looked kinda like this one:

I FREAK out!  But I have to (read this in a whisper so you don’t scare the Girlies) calmly freak out, cuz I don’t want to scare the Girlies who are so nicely eating cereal in the kitchen.  I swat the spider off my arm and I start jumping up and down, cuz I’m so skeeved out.  And the spider starts sprinting…truly, really sprinting for my Ugg boots.

What the heck?  I have a fashionista spider on my hands?

I grab my boot with the genius plan of smashing the spider to smithereens (sorry animal lovers out there).  Have you ever looked at the bottom of Ugg boots?  Well… they aren’t flat.  My heel looks like an upside-down castle turret with all kinds of nooks and crannies.  Can you guess where this is going?

Nope.  I didn’t smash my little big friend.  Ms. Arachnid scurries from the bottom of my boot up the leg and jumps inside AND I’m still holding the boot in my hand.  Yikes!  Reflexes kick in and I drop the boot and I simultaneously think… I can’t have a spider building a web in my boot.  So now I bang my boot against the ground to get the dang thing out.  Ms. Arachnid (we are now on last name basis) is holding on for dear life.  Oh yeah, I should tell you.  My boot is black, so it’s good camouflage for my friend.

By now, the Girlies know something is up.  “What’s wrong Mommy?” N-o-t-h-i-n-g, I say.  Right!  They aren’t buying this bill of goods.  I continue to bang my boot on the floor and out flies the spider and I shriek as the spider scurries away again.  I grab one of the girl’s shoes (thankfully flat soled) and start smacking the spider and finally I’m victorious!  Ms. Arachnid is on her way to the great spider web in the sky!  I’ve saved my girls from the invasion of a huge, scary, black spider.  Whew!

“Mommy, what are you doing?”  Nothing, I say and at the same time I start to s-l-o-w my breathing to s-l-o-w my heart rate, which is now pumping with big doses of adrenaline.  I breathe slowly a couple more times.  I go back in the kitchen with a full water bottle, a smile and few beads of sweat on my forehead knowing the laundry room is now safe.

Some may be wondering why I didn’t just step on Ms. Arachnid from the first and end this quickly.  That would have been the easiest thing.  Right?  I agree.  Except…

I was barefoot.

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